No Words

Death always makes me hope the same hope.
That the person simply wanted all of their family and friends to gather and will jump and say surprise.
I have never had that hope stronger than I have today.
And to know that it is definitely not the truth and that you are gone is tearing me up.
I've been crying, shaking, and thinking uncontrolably since I found out you were gone.
You were an amazing friend. You accepted me fully from the beginning and were always there for me.
We had some interesting moments and always had good times and I can only imagine what you will accomplish in Heaven before we all meet you up there.
Watch over us just as we will never forget you and remember me when I enter Heaven because God knows I can't go forever without seeing one of my favorite, most trusted, and loyal friends.
I love you Chi.
As a friend, brother, and person.
You will Always be loved and missed.

Carlton,

You always know how to make me feel better and I am okay with our friendship and it being only that because it is what works best for us but it doesn't keep your words of encouragement from touching me as deeply as they ever have.

Positive-"You're too smart to worry so have a good time and spread that Beth spirit."

My Phi's

My sisters are beyond comparison.
If anyone anywhere in any chapter says that they have better sisters than mine, they obviously have not seen, felt, or experienced the bond that my sisters and I have!
I have been blessed with joining the most amazing chapter that I could have ever imagined.
They make me feel so amazing.
They are such supportive women and with recruitment having just finished up and us receiving 19 new sisters, might I add in hells fuckin' yeah to my girls on an amazing job!, they still tell me that they miss me and wish I could have been there and that some of the girls we are getting wanted us because they knew me.
These women boost my self-esteem and are what keeps me going somedays.
They are the best women and if anyone ever doubts that, just ask me.

To my Phi's-
Your words and actions can not be surpassed or even rivaled. You make me feel so tremendous about myself and what I'm doing and what I have done.
I love each of you and can't wait to go overseas so I can come back and be with you lovely, classy, fabulous ladies :)

The Hardest Part

I always have the hardest time staring a writing project of any kind.
A poem.
A story.
A journal.
Writing comes so naturally for me but yet it's painstakingly hard for me to ever begin and commit to the first line, chapter, or page.
So, this is my beginning.
Nothing more and nothing less than that.
Only words on a page, of sorts, confessing what is always hardest for me.

I think I'm going to end every entry with something positive. Even if I rant and rave throughout the entire post, there has to be something positive at the end of the tunnel. A light, if you will.
Positive-My dad and I had a heart-to-heart today. Which is why I love my father :)